The Epic Blogas Week in Review

A "chugging" whiskey

This Week in Alcohol Poisoning:  This one has been making the rounds as of late, but in case you missed it, here you go:

With the recent news that a Panamanian company plans to start packaging and selling whiskey in a can, I can't help but imagine what kind of devastation this will wreak on my whiskey-drinking friends' livers.  I'm still torn as to whether to file this under "Great Innovations in Alcohol," or "Darwinism in the 21st Century."

Will other liquors be made available in can form?  Will soda companies hop on board?  How long before Coca-Cola starts making their own rum so they can package "Rum and Coke" in a can?  I'm not sure where the future will take us, but with innovations like whiskey in a can, Four Loko (RIP) and vodka whipped cream, we are on the door step of a major alcohol revolution (or the second coming of Prohibition).
(Thanks to a few readers who informed me that Jim Beam sells canned "Beam and Cola," I had no idea.)  

Baby got back (into a hot mess)

Deposed Dictator of the Week:  So, you say you're the former dictator of Haiti, huh?  And despite allegedly committing various human rights crimes (among other heinous acts) during your reign, you've somehow managed to live the last 25 years of your life in peace and quiet in France.  Enough time has gone by where an entire generation probably has no idea who you are.  So what's your next move?  You stay in France and continue to live out your days in relative anonymity, right?

Wrong.

On Tuesday, January 18th, Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier was arrested in Haiti on charges of corruption and embezzlement.  Just days prior, Duvalier returned to the ravaged nation that he once presided over.  I'm not a violator of human rights, but it's safe to say that if I was, I would never return to the country where I was suspected of committing those crimes.  Hell, ten years ago I got into trouble for underage drinking in Ocean City, MD when I was 17 and I still haven't been back.

Iggy Poop

The Epic Blogas Goat of the Week:  Andre Iguodala.  To quote the great Tom McGinnis (radio voice of the 76ers and perhaps the most under-appreciated announcer in the history of Philly sports), "Are you kiddin' me?!"

Iguodala "is what he is" at this point in his career, at least on the Sixers.  He's an amazing athlete, and he seems to give his maximum effort on a nightly basis.  If he has the right talent around him he can be a highly effective player, as we saw this past summer at the FIBA World Championship.

Unfortunately for Iguodala, players like Kevin Durant, Rudy Gay, and Derrick Rose aren't on the Sixers roster.  Instead, he takes it upon himself to try and be the star that this team so desperately needs.   By doing so, Iguodala continues to torment whatever remaining Sixers fans are left.  His inability to come through in the clutch is uncanny.   The missed free throws, and the missed shots in crunch time are tough to stomach. This week though, I can't shake the memory of the foul he committed on Jason Richardson in Orlando on Wednesday night. If you saw the game, you know what happened.  If you didn't see the game or read about it the next day, chances are you don't care anyways...

You're not gonna ask me to come back
next year, are you?

The Epic Blogas Hero of the Week:  Ricky Gervais.  I saw maybe four minutes of the Golden Globes on Sunday, but what I did see featured Gervais lambasting Hollywood.  My favorite jab was taken at Robert Downey Jr. (and I'm still not sure if Gervais was tipping his cap to The Simpsons and Troy McClure with this one): 

This Week in TV:  

• Thanks to King for pointing out to me that Deadwood went up on HBO On-Demand. I've been meaning to check this show out for awhile now.  I just watched the first episode and I'm excited to watch the rest of the series.  Speaking of which...  
• There's something to be said about being able to watch multiple episodes/seasons of a show at your own leisure.  Sure, it's nice to be on board with your favorite show from the start, but blowing through an entire series at your own pace is always appealing.  I've watched most of my favorite series in this fashion.  The week-to-week wait in between episodes can be painful, let alone the longer wait in between seasons.  My current favorite show on TV, Breaking Bad, had its season three finale in July of 2010 and doesn't start back up again until this July.  A whole year in between seasons?!  Things like this might be acceptable in Communist China, but not here... not in my America!   
• Also, look for NBC's Parks and Recreation.  Season three started last night.  If you want to catch up (and you have a Netflix account), the first two seasons are available on Netflix Instant.  Season one was short, and sort of an introduction to the characters, similar to the first season of It's Always Sunny.  Much like It's Always Sunny brought in Danny DeVito to spruce up season two, the writers at Parks and Recreation tapped into the underutilized Ron Swanson character from season one (played perfectly by Nick Offerman) and made him an iconic TV character by the end of season two. For those of you who were fans of the short lived Starz comedy Party Down, Adam Scott (Henry from PD) joined the Parks and Recreation cast as a full-timer this season.

   

The Ten Rules to Being a Better Sports Fan

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not good at many things.  However, what I am good at, I take pride in.  I like to think that I am a pretty damn good sports fan.  Growing up, I was fortunate to learn from a great sports fan, my father.   He passed along his passion and knowledge of sports to me, but while doing so he created a monster.  I’ve become such a nitpicky sports fan, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.   

The following is a list of what I believe to be the Ten Rules to Being a Better Sports Fan.  Like any set of rules, there are exceptions.  While writing this I had professional sports in mind, but these rules can certainly be applied to college sports.  If you take issue with any of these, feel free to leave a comment, but chances are… you’re wrong.     

10.  The Golden Rule…  This one is simple.  You get one team per sport.  You stick with that team through thick and thin.  You don't get an "AL" and "NL" team, you don't get a "east coast" and "west coast" team.  You just get one per sport.

For the first 25 years of my life, I never saw any of my favorite teams win a championship.  When the Phillies finally won it all in 2008, my whole world was turned upside down.  That victory was that much sweeter since I stuck with them during the tough times.  I grew up on memories of Joe Carter, J.D. Drew, Adam Eaton, Gregg Jefferies, David Bell, and Travis Lee (among many, many more).  Bottom line: you can only enjoy the highest of highs if you've experienced the lowest of lows.      

9.   Root, root, root for the home team…  Generally speaking, you should like the teams that play in the city that you grew up in or near, unless your parents or primary sports influence passed their favorite teams along to you in your formative years.  If you don’t live near a professional sports market, you can choose your teams at an early age, but be prepared to stick with them for life. 

8.  Home is where the heart is… Violators of this one really bug me. Nobody ever said being a sports fan was easy or convenient.   However, with today’s technology it is easy and convenient to be a good sports fan.  With technology like Slingbox, Satellite TV, streaming media, etc., there’s no reason why you should have to stop watching your favorite team just because you left home.   

7. There is no “I” in team… You root for the team first, and the individual second.  The names on the back of jerseys change all the time, the name on the front is what keeps you coming back.  Sure, your favorite team might have "alleged" rapists, murderers or dog killers on their roster, but you don’t watch sports because you’re a morally sound person.  If that were the case, you’d probably be doing something a lot more productive than sitting around and watching sports in your free time. 

The "alleged" rapist.

The "alleged" murderer.

The "alleged" dog killer.

6.  If they don’t win it’s a shame…  When your favorite team is out of the playoffs or their season ends, you don’t get to root for another team of your choosing.  You just sit back and enjoy the sport as an impartial observer.  Rooting implies that you have some sort of emotional tie to another team, which is in clear violation of The Golden Rule. Sometimes people will try to justify liking another team because they feel as if they have some kind of connection with someone on another team.  With the Eagles out of the playoffs should I be allowed to jump on the Steelers bandwagon because their offensive coordinator, Bruce Arians, used to be the head coach at my alma mater, Temple University?  I didn't think so...       

   

5.   The more you know…  Know your history.   Chances are your favorite team has been around for decades longer than you’ve been alive.  Take some time to learn the history of the team and the sport they play.  Anyone can read a box score and talk about the big game from last night.  What will really set you apart as a sports fan, is your ability to recall who led your favorite team in field goal percentage in 1978.    

4.    Very superstitious…  Being superstitious is acceptable, especially during the playoffs.  Sure, you probably have a slight case of OCD, but if you really think that wearing the same unwashed sweatpants that you've worn every Sunday for the last three months will help your team win, then go for it.   Your wife or girlfriend might think you’re a slob, but if she can’t understand your inherent need to support the team, then perhaps she’s not “the one” after all. 

3.   Should I stay or should I go?  Opting to stay home for games is acceptable.  Don’t let your drunken buddies tell you otherwise.  With the recent availability of HDTV’s, staying home for the big game is becoming increasingly appealing.  The bigger the game, the more I’d be compelled to tell someone to go if they have the chance, but I’ll never knock someone for wanting to watch it from the comfort of their couch, with their 50”HDTV, instant replays, cheap beer, and their own personal toilet.    

Or the view from here?

The view from here?

    

2.   Simmer down…  This one is directed at the overzealous sports fan.  You are the sole reason why a lot of people find it impossible to watch a game at a sports bar.  There is a thin line between being passionate and being an annoying asshole.  This also goes for the guy at the game who takes it upon himself to try and get everyone in his section to stand up and cheer.  Just sit down, and leave me alone.   

Do you REALLY want to sit next to this guy at the game?

1.  Nobody likes a sore winner...  Congratulations, your favorite team just won the championship!  Now it's time to act like a champion.  When your team wins, you should focus on the positive. Go out and celebrate with your fellow fans.  Do NOT call your buddy who is a fan of the opposition*. There is a time and a place to talk smack, but kicking your friends while they are down is just plain wrong.  

*- This rule can easily be negated if your friend is a non-stop smack-talker.  In this event, feel free to rub it in his or her face until you are content with the results.   

DISCLAIMER:  Epic Blogas takes no responsibility for bodily harm induced by too much smack-talking..